The break-up blues. We’ve all suffered through them. Some of us hunker down in our apartments for weeks, eating junk food, drinking beer and watching reality TV or sports hour after hour. Sure, we surface to go to work or school — our game face on — but that is about it.
We eventually feel well enough to slowly start to go to what could be called social events, only to leave early so as to lick our wounds in private.
I mean, it is exhausting to hear how surprised all of your friends are that you have suddenly found yourself single; having to dodge all that sympathy heading your way. Right?
Others refuse to succumb to said break-up blues. They forge ahead, refusing to take time out to grieve. Or eat junk food. I mean, with all of the available single women around, they just have no time to reflect on that big unmentionable thing that just happened.
Yes, this crowd may be choosing to live in denial but it works for them. Maybe.
But, sometimes after the dust settles, a clear realization descends upon you. You want her in your life again, right? Things felt right when you were together but they feel very wrong now. With this epiphany can come a bleakness and helplessness. What to do?
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Well, the first thing you should do is take a serious look at what happened. Is a reunion plausible? Or even possible? If she has married and moved out of state, you need to move on. Seriously. But if you had a relationship that was really good once, and you are still both single, you may well wonder if there could be a path forward. Here are some tips.
Take Care of Yourself
As unfair as it may seem, women, and this includes your ex-girlfriend, are not all that attracted to men whose physical health seems to be in decline. Throw out the junk food and bring in the fish, vegetables and brown rice. When you open your fridge, you should see the bright colors of vegetables; and maybe even a jar of carrot juice.
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Don’t let your exercise routine slide because you’ve suddenly found yourself on your own. Keeping fit will not only keep you looking healthy but feeling OK. And you need to try to feel OK. If you do not regularly work out, it’s time to begin. There is great article about ways to look hotter via building muscle and losing fat on Art Of Manliness. These tips will make you look hotter. Start small. Choose an activity that you’ve always been curious about, like rock climbing, hiking, or shoe showing. Get into it.
Try Something New
When you have decided on a regime that will take care of your physical health, it is time to take up a new hobby. Seriously. Show her that you are embracing life, ready to try new things. Relationships sometimes end because of stagnation; there does not seem to be joy around the next bend but just more of the same. Taking steps to show that you are capable of change might just spark a change in how your ex-girlfriend sees you.
Human are usually defensive beings. We find it tough to take criticism, even when it is meant in a kind, constructive way. (And this is natural.) Think about your relationship with your ex. Did she talk to you about some changes she’d like you to make? Perhaps you became easily frustrated when things didn’t go your way? Maybe you spent hours surfing the net instead of going out for a walk with her? Or maybe you never — ever– made dinner?
Whatever the small issues that rose up between you, you should accept that making a true effort to change your lifestyle can show your ex that you think your relationship is important enough to work on. Say, you consistently refused to do your share of the cooking when you were together, but now you invite your ex over for a well-cooked meal. How impressive would that be?
If she is open to the idea, you could suggest to her that you would like to try a reconciliation and that you welcome attending couple’s counseling so that the relationship is given a new chance; a new life.
Under no circumstances should you trash your her to your family, your friends or her friends. Speak about her as if she is someone who you care a great deal about. Which she is.
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Have a Look At Your life in General
We have our best relationships when our personal and professional lives are going well; when we are in a positive place. If you have some work to do in your personal or professional life, take some steps to move yourself forward. None of us has the power to change our lives overnight. But we do have the power to imagine where we want to be in life and to begin the journey that will eventually take us there.
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Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But it is actually tough. Things can seem rather bleak when the love of your life has left it. Choosing to be positive puts you in a space where something cool just might happen. If glumness follows you around like a cloud, it is unlikely that your ex-girlfriend will want to step out of the sun to join you in gloomy town.
Become Healthy and Whole
In a nutshell, if you want her in your life again, you should focus on becoming the best you can be. This means being physically and mentally healthy, exercising regularly, taking up a new and interesting hobby, developing super listening skills, showing that you can do new things and that you can change.
Be Joyful Now
The awesome part of this plan is that even if your ex-girlfriend is somehow able to resist your wooing, you will be on the path to a place where you are ready to begin a new relationship. Be good to yourself, don’t blame yourself that your relationship ended, but be realistic in accepting that there are things that you, that anyone, could have done better. Take one step at a time. You’ll get there. Or somewhere else worth being.
Further Reading and Resources